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May 22, 2007: It’s ‘Apocalypto’ now as the Mayans, Afro Samurai and the WWE highlight this week’s DVD releases
By Wade Gum |
Posted May 22, 2007 9:40 AM |
Afro Samurai
Where does Afro Samurai rank on the list of cool samurai? Is he above Lone Wolf and Cub? Is he below all the guys from “The Seven Samurai”? Where does Ghost Dog factor into all of this? It may be tough to come up with a definitive ranking of samurai in popular culture, but Afro Samurai would definitely be somewhere near the top.
After all, he’s voiced by Samuel L. Jackson and he has an afro! It doesn’t even matter if he knows how to use a sword—those two characteristics are enough to ensure he’s one bad mother. Pick up the Director’s Cut edition for even more funky samurai action.
Apocalypto
Mel Gibson may be guilty of some lunacy in the past few years, but that doesn’t mean he can’t still be a good director. He brought us “Braveheart”; the least we can do is give his newest film a shot. If you don’t see it for Gibson, see it for the Mayan civilization, which definitely hasn’t had adequate representation in the film industry. It’s probably because they’re all dead, and therefore, no Mayan lobbyist groups exist.
The film follows the decline of the majestic Mayan civilization about A.D. 750. The dialogue is authentic Yucatec Maya language, so be prepared to read subtitles. Also, be prepared for plenty of political subtext, as Gibson likens the Mayan practice of human sacrifice to sending troops to Iraq. There’s plenty of brutal violence and babies getting birthed underwater. It’s educational.
The Breed
Back in the day, when you saw “Wes Craven Presents” above the title of a movie, you knew you were in for something good. After “Shocker,” “Wishmaster,” “Dracula 2000” and “Cursed,” the “Wes Craven” tag causes some people to flee away from the movie in sheer terror. He’s frightened people with the poor quality of the movies he’s involved with! He truly is a master of horror!
Then again, the guy’s past record is still good enough that people keep checking out the films he’s presenting, even if he didn’t direct them. If the idea of gigantic mutant dogs attacking and biting Michelle Rodriguez appeals to you, then “The Breed” should be a viewing well spent.
Epic Movie
Hey, remember that time Superman got shot in the eye during “Superman Returns”? What if, instead of the bullet bouncing off his eye, he got hurt and fell off the building? Pretty hilarious, right? Hey, what if Magneto’s magnetized nature caused him to get hit in the head with random pots and pans? Are your sides hurting from all the laughter yet?
The humor of the “____ Movie” series may not be for everyone, but the films are popular enough that someone out there is going to see them. If you’re the type of person who can appreciate dumb comedies, “Epic Movie” might be your hot ticket for humor.
Kyle XY: The Complete First Season
Yes, we get it. The kid doesn’t have a belly button. That’s very mysterious and a great premise for a show. Now can you please stop plastering advertisements featuring this kid’s abs all over malls and buses? Nerds feel inadequate enough as it is. We don’t need to see Kyle XY’s washboard abs glistening in the sun.
It looks more like an Abercrombie advertisement than one for a television show. Is the show about a boy with impossibly good looks who strips down and plays rugby with his other friends like in those Abercrombie catalogues?
Porky’s—The Ultimate Collection
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 Star Wars. The Godfather. Back to the Future. The Lord of the Rings. The Matrix. All of them are great trilogies, but they pale in comparison to the greatest movie trifecta ever made—the Porky’s saga. If any trilogy is worthy of the Triple Crown, then it is definitely the one about young boys who stick their delicate parts through holes in the girls’ shower room. Now you can own “Porky’s,” “Porky’s— The Next Day” and “Porky’s Revenge” in the same set! There is truly no better value on this planet.
UFC 65: Bad Intentions
After pummeling Royce Gracie and BJ Penn into the canvas, UFC welterweight champion Matt Hughes took on his fiercest competitor yet in Georges St. Pierre. Hughes was victorious in their first meeting in 2004, but Pierre rode a five-match winning streak to yet another victory and became the UFC welterweight champion by knocking Hughes’ lights out. His championship reign was short-lived, but that doesn’t make this bout any less impressive.
At this event, the UFC heavyweight title was also defended as Tim “The Maniac” Sylvia defeated Jeff Monson in his usual style: by being really, really boring. Everyone should be thankful that Randy Couture eventually won the heavyweight belt and saved us all from sleep-inducing Tim Sylvia fights, for the near future at least.
WWE WrestleMania 23
The showcase of the immortals comes but once a year. All the stars turned out for WrestleMania 23, including Donald Trump. Donald’s hand-picked champion, Bobby Lashley, went one on one with Vince McMahon’s representative, Umaga, in a match that ultimately led to McMahon getting his hair shaved off by the Rattlesnake himself, Stone Cold Steve Austin. Now you can relive all the magic of WrestleMania 23 and the Hall of Fame ceremony with this DVD set.
The two big title matches feature some of the WWE’s most popular superstars, as the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels unleashes his sweet chin music on John Cena and the Undertaker preserves his WrestleMania undefeated streak by beating Batista. There’s plenty of other great action on the card as well, as the Money in the Bank match includes some of the greatest high-fliers in the sport. Too bad that whole Money in the Bank thing didn’t work out so well for poor Mr. Kennedy.
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