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GET READY TO STOMP THE YARD
Imaginary creatures, creepy monsters and musicals highlight this week's DVD releases
Posted May 15th, 2007 9:00 AM
American Dad Volume 2
Did you make the mistake of visiting a cartoon-centric message board when "American Dad" first premiered? If you did, you would have had the distinct pleasure of reading thousands of "OMG AMERICAN DAD SUX FAMILY GUY r00ls American DUD is aweful!" posts. Nowadays, many people appreciate the well-crafted jokes of "American Dad" which don't revolve around "this is just like that time when" segues like "Family Guy." It'ss funny how that works.
If you're among those who have been converted into loving "American Dad," the second DVD collection is on its way. It may not be as trendy or have as much licensed apparel inside Hot Topic stores as "Family Guy" does, but it's a solid show in its own right.
Creepshow III
Anthology horror is dead. The ball got rolling with anthology horror comics like Tales From the Crypt and Haunt of Fear back in the EC Comics days. Things really started picking up with the British anthology horror films by Amicus, and then anthology horror became the big fad in horror films when Stephen King and George Romero unleashed "Creepshow" onto the world. Then the fad was promptly killed by the release of the subpar "Creepshow II."
A scant 20 years later, "Creepshow III" is upon us. None of the original talent is involved and the film was created by the people responsible for "Dawn of the Dead 2." To say things are working against this film would be an understatement, but we're all big enough suckers for cheapie horror films to give it a shot anyway. At least Ted Danson won't be in this one, right?
The Fountain
Directed by Darren Aronofsky ("Requiem for a Dream"), "The Fountain"; is a science-fiction film that spans over a millennium and explores the themes of love, death and rebirth.
The film stars Hugh Jackman, who plays multiple roles in the film as a man looking for the fabled fountain of youth, a husband desperately searching for a way to save his wife from cancer, and an astronaut traveling through deep space.
Comic readers have already had the opportunity to experience the story in graphic novel format, thanks to Vertigo; now everyone can see Aronofsky's vision realized on their television screens, since they obviously didn't see it in the theaters.
Half Past Dead 2
The original "Half Past Dead" starred Steven Seagal and Ja Rule. Those two are busy with their highly successful musical careers (if you haven't heard Seagal's "Songs From the Crystal Cave," you haven't lived), so they couldn't appear in this direct-to-DVD sequel. They were replaced by former pro wrestler Bill Goldberg and Kurupt. Besides being an awful speller, Kurupt is a rapper and friend of Snoop Dogg. Since Kurupt has connections to Suge Knight, Wizard would like to make it known that we think he's terrific and great at everything he does.
The plot of the sequel involves a prison riot and really doesn't have anything to do with the original. At least it stars Goldberg, who is actually physically fit enough to fight against people as opposed to the insane camera trickery directors must use to fool audiences into thinking Seagal can deliver a roundhouse kick in his bloated state. This is why Bruce Lee died earlyhe didn't want to suffer the indignity of being a middle-aged, fat martial artist.
Pan's Labyrinth
 From cinematic visionary Guillermo del Toro ("Hellboy," "Blade II") comes this fantastical tale about a young girl in Spain during the height of World War II who escapes from the war and the carnage into her own imaginary world. Her fantasy realm becomes more twisted and demented as she attempts to cope with the demons in the real world by working through her issues in the imaginary one.
"Pan's Labyrinth" received numerous accolades, including nominations for best foreign film by several award shows. Be forewarned that unless you speak Spanish, you will be dependent on subtitles. That's right, kids. If you want to enjoy this great movie, you're going to have to do some reading. All good things are worth the effort.
Stomp the Yard
It's time to turn your life around with some funky fresh dance moves from the streets! A young delinquent gets himself out of juvenile hall by agreeing to attend college. Once he arrives, two rival fraternities both try to recruit him to join their dance squads at the national step show competition. He's going to have to bring it on and stomp the yard to have any chance of serving his rivals.
Can life really be so simple? Are we wasting our time pondering the meaning of life when we should be outside serving suckas with our awesome step dancing skills? It's an excellent question, one that can only be answered by getting hold of a time machine and forcing Plato and Socrates to break out their funky dance moves on the floor of the academy. Drinking hemlock is gonna seem pleasant to Socrates compared to getting served by Plato.
The War at Home: The Complete First Season
Buy this collection of the oft-maligned Fox television show at your own peril. If you are caught at the checkout counter holding this set by the fan of a prematurely canceled Fox show, you might be ripped limb from limb. The heartbroken fanboys of shows like "Firefly," Drive," "Futurama" and "That '80s Show" are bitter and angry that their shows were struck down while Michael Rapaport's sitcom lives on. Don't provoke them any further. If you must buy this set, do it over the Internet. You may just save a life - your own.
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