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June 5, 2007: The Fantastic Four, immortals and pro wrestling highlight this week’s DVD releases
By Wade Gum |
Posted June 5, 2007 9:30 AM |
Fantastic Four: Extended Edition
Get it? Because Mr. Fantastic can extend himself? Extended edition? Is this thing on? Okay, the title of this newest DVD release probably isn’t a play on words involving the stretching properties of the Fantastic Four’s leader, but you can never underestimate the horrible taste of marketing departments.
Before the epic “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer” hits theaters this summer, rewatch the original with extended scenes! You need to buy this one right away because the Invisible Woman gets totally nude in the new scenes. We’re talking full frontal here. Sure, you can’t see it because she’s invisible, but she’s totally there, dude. Buy a dozen copies. Tell your friends.
Highlander: The Search for Vengeance
How is this franchise still alive? The first movie is an ’80s classic thanks to Christopher Lambert and a rockin’ soundtrack by Queen, but the story effectively ends. There’s no room for a sequel! Everything since then has been a forced cash-in, and the quality of the films ranges from “absolute garbage” to “whoever directed this should be thrown into lava.”
The spinoff television series did all right for itself and there was a short-lived cartoon on USA Network back in the ’90s. Anyone desperate for more Highlander action even after being burned by so many of the sequels can look forward to this new anime feature about the immortals. If you hear the word “Zeist” spoken anywhere in the cartoon, destroy the DVD immediately.
The Messengers
Are you ready for another horror film about creepy ghosts haunting an old and creepy house? You’re in luck! This time the ghosts are haunting a sunflower farm in North Dakota.
Do country ghosts and city ghosts ever get together and hang out? Perhaps they could have one of those housing exchanges and the North Dakota ghosts could go haunt some abandoned hospital in Baltimore for a change. It’s important to expand your horizons, even if you’ve already passed into the great beyond and are made of ectoplasm.
The Most Powerful Families in Wrestling
Professional wrestling is kind of like the mob. You have powerful families at the forefront and if you cross them, you’re putting your life in someone else’s hands. The McMahons are obviously the Corleone family of the wrestling world, with Vince playing the Don role. He owns practically all of pro wrestling in the North American market, so if you cross Vinnie Mac you’re gonna be reduced to wrestling for food down in Orlando.
Other powerful families you’ll learn about in this set include the Harts, the Guerreros, the Ortons, the Von Erich clan and many others. It’s a typical family reunion, if most family reunions involve power bombing cousins through press tables and shoving mom into the cake.
Norbit
Hey, it’s the film that may have cost Eddie Murphy an Oscar! Hope your fat-suit fetish was worth it, Eddie. “December: Star in critically acclaimed movie and get nominated for an Academy Award. February: Put on a fat suit and dress up as a woman for the 13th time.”
Why is Eddie Murphy so obsessed with playing multiple roles in his films? Is it the work of a man with a fractured psyche and multiple personalities? Is “Norbit” really a cry for help from a man who doesn’t know who he is anymore, or is it just an excuse for lots of fat jokes? The only way to know for sure is to watch it, but a betting man might favor the latter.
Rescue Me: The Complete Third Season
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 Anyone willing to walk inside a burning building already has issues. Is it any surprise that the firemen in this show are self-destructive and full of so many psychological issues that no shrink could ever fix? The only actor capable of expressing such a twisted ball of self-loathing and substance abuse is Dennis Leary. Before the fourth season kicks off on FX, catch up on last season’s firefighting madness with this latest DVD set.
The Sergio Leone Anthology
Yeah, your DVD collection of anime shows and “Family Guy” box sets is really impressive, but perhaps it’s time you get some cinematic culture and buy some good movies for a change. There’s no better place to start than with the epic spaghetti western films of Sergio Leone. You get four fantastic films in this set: “A Fistful of Dollars,” “For a Few Dollars More,” “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly” and “Duck, You Sucker.”
What can you expect from these films if you’re a newbie to the genre? Well, there’s lots of Clint Eastwood. There’s lots of gunplay. There’s lots of awesome, twangy Ennio Morricone music. Oh yeah, there’s also a lot of intense stare-downs. Actually, there’s plenty of regular staring too. There wasn’t a whole lot to do in the Old West besides stare off into the distance and occasionally shoot someone. It was a simpler time.
WWE: The Ladder Match
Ever since Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon went toe to toe at WrestleMania X, the ladder match has become one of the greatest spectacles in sports entertainment. The bar has been raised in recent times with TLC matches, Money in the Bank matches and the like, but nothing beats the pure simplicity of two men fighting precariously on top of a ladder and crashing down to the mat.
This DVD set collects some of the greatest ladder matches of all times with such high-fliers as the Hardy Boys, Edge, Christian, Chris Jericho, Shelton Benjamin, John Cena and more. It’s three discs of brutality! Oddly enough, the only thing missing is the famous match between Shawn and Razor. It’s available on a dozen other DVDs anyways, so it’s no big loss.
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