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A look at the biggest comics, movies, TV and video game releases for this week
By Wade Gum |
Posted May 7, 2007 11:35 AM |
MOVIES
28 Weeks Later
Friday, May 11
Rated R
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 Remember when those rage-infected people went crazy in England and wreaked havoc across the countryside? Don’t you dare call them zombies, okay? There are very specific standards for classifying someone as a zombie and those cannibalistic Brits didn’t meet any of them. Anyways, it’s been 28 weeks since that violent apocalyptic scenario, so everything should be fine. All those rage-infected people probably died out or something.
It seems perfectly okay to send millions of innocent people back over to England and expect them to rebuild their society. After all, we performed a quick look over the entire country and didn’t find a single rage-infected individual. What’s that, you say? We somehow overlooked hundreds of maniacal ragers and the innocent people are being slaughtered once again? Eh, we all make mistakes.
The Ex
Friday, May 11
Rated PG-13
Be forewarned, hipsters: Zach Braff has a new movie out. Better clear your schedule of drinking PBR and listening to indie Gang of Four rip-off bands down at the club in order to buy tickets for this movie. Your hipster friends will undoubtedly want to drag you to see it. The self-absorbed, emo nature of the film is considered highly toxic and threatening to non-hipsters, but you should be fine.
In the shocker of shockers, Zach Braff plays a slacker who has no motivation in life! He’s forced to work for his father-in-law after his wife becomes pregnant and leaves her high-paying job in order to care for the baby. He’s forced to work with his wife’s former lover, who is now wheelchair bound and played by Jason Bateman. It’s almost impossible not to love Jason Bateman, so perhaps this film has mass appeal after all. Then again, the ratings for “Arrested Development” might suggest that it is possible to not like Bateman. It’s a cruel world we’re living in.
Georgia Rule
Friday, May 11
Rated R
Lindsay Lohan managed to find some time between drunken binges and flashing her naughty bits at paparazzi cameras to actually film a movie! It only took a scathing letter from the studio’s CEO in order to make her shape up and actually finish it. She’s really on the path to success now.
Lohan plays a rebellious teenager who screams, swears, drinks and is out of control. Talk about appropriate casting. In a last-ditch effort to pull her daughter back from the brink, dear old mom (Felicity Huffman) drags her daughter to go visit her grandmother (Jane Fonda). Three generations of women bond and learn a lesson about life. You know how the story goes.
VIDEO GAMES
Halo 2
Tuesday, May 8
PC
$49.99
Better late than never, eh? Gamers with Xboxes have been enjoying Halo 2 since 2004, while PC gamers have been patiently waiting for a port. Given that about a million first-person shooter games get released on PC every year, it wasn’t that strenuous of a wait.
So, if you’re a PC gaming veteran, is it worth it to pick up Halo 2? It depends. Do you have Windows Vista? If not, you’re out of luck once again, as the game won’t work on any other operating system. Why do we need new operating systems to play games that came out in 2004? Only Bill Gates knows for sure.
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 Spider-Man 3
Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, Nintendo Wii, PC, Nintendo DS, PlayStation Portable, Game Boy Advance
$29.99–$59.99
Now that you’ve seen the movie, play the video game! You have seen the movie, haven’t you? If not, you’re a social reject and an object of scorn amongst your peers. If you were still hanging out on the playground, the other kids would have stolen your Dunkaroos and thrown enough dodge balls at your noggin to give you a concussion by now.
Then again, you could always play through the officially licensed video game and fake like you know the plot of the movie! Since it’s available for every console in existence (the Atari Jaguar port comes out next week), there’s no excuse for not swinging through the streets as a virtual Spider-Man.
TELEVISION
The Last Sentinel
Saturday, May 12
9 p.m. EST
Sci-Fi Channel
“The last of the warriors could now be our last hope.” Not the catchiest of taglines for this vaguely post-apocalyptic sci-fi film, but who cares? It has Don “The Dragon” Wilson in it! The star of the “Bloodfist” series and “Blackbelt”! You know there’s going to be lots of kung-fu action and bullets flying across the screen. It also has Katee Sackhoff from “Battlestar Galactica” in it, but can she throw a roundhouse as mean as Wilson’s? We doubt it.
Law and Order: Criminal Intent
Tuesday, May 8
9 p.m. EST
NBC
This may be the last season for “Criminal Intent,” so they’re pulling out all the stops with the ripped-from-the-headlines stories. This week is the infamous Anna Nicole Smith-inspired episode with Kristy Swanson playing the role of the buxom bombshell whose son dies under mysterious circumstances only a few days before she does. Who will be playing the role of Anna’s lawyer, Howard K. Stern? None other than David Cross from “Mr. Show” and “Arrested Development”! Wow, that’s…really weird.
COMICS
Nova #2
Dan Abnett (W); Andy Lanning (W); Sean Chen (A)
Marvel Comics
Richard Rider is home, but it isn’t so sweet. His former running crew, the New Warriors, is public enemy No. 1—the ones who aren’t dead, that is. Nova missed out on all the events of Civil War because he was busy saving the entire universe from certain destruction at the hands of Annihilus. Now he’s come back to a planet that hates and fears superheroes. Will he comply with Iron Man’s demands of superhero registration or will he unleash his newfound powers on “the man”?
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