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Well, it's the year 2000, and the future isn't
all it's cracked up to be is it? We don't have flying cars or meals in a
pill, and tons of people are still homeless.
Well, I really don't care about
those last things. I'm pissed off because the American standards of entertainment
are yet low enough to have murder and death on cable TV. What I was expecting
from the future is one thing: My Smash TV.
Yes, ever since the game of the
same name came out i've been eagerly expecting Smash TV to premier on Fox
any day now. Imagine my dissapointment when I didn't get to see men getting
mutilated by thousands of retarded mutants with billy clubs and giant cyborg
men who shoot lasers from their eyes.
The closest I got was WMAC Masters,
but it just wasn't enough. I want Bob Uecker in a sparkly red jacket with
two big breasted hoes on each arm, going "BIG money, BIG prizes." But alas,
the American (and Canadian) public's moral standards have not gone low enough
yet.
Well, i'm not gonna stand for it! If I can't watch Smash TV, i'm gonna
create it! I'm gonna go buy a spot on my local community access station and
name it Smash TV. Each week, i'll convince one of my friends from school
to go inside a empty room with a camera mounted on the ceiling with the promise
of giving him a VCR when he gets out.
Then, i'll invite the behaviorly challenged
children at the dissabled school to go inside the room with billy clubs and
beat the living shit out of my friend while I hole two inflatable blow up
dolls in my arm and go "I'd buy that for a dollar!" Of course, i'll lock
the door to prevent escape.
Not fair you say? Well, that's why i'd give my
friend a little pellet gun. Sure, it'll only stun the retards for a few seconds,
and he'll never get the chance to reload, but hey, i'm all for a semi-fair
game. And when all the dust settles, and my friend lies on the ground dead
with blood flowing out of his ear, everyone watching will be truly satisfied.
And when the cops come to my house, i'll be waiting for them with my gang
of twisted retarded freaks and a camera, and we'll get to see who wins.
Entertainment-that's what it's all about.
I encourage you all to do the same.
Smash TV is just an exaggeration of everyone's favorite game Smear The Queer.
Just invite your friends to play, and this time use sticks.
Also, when your
friend is coughing up blood and begging for mercy, don't stop the beating.
There's always a chance that a passerby will be watching and be so entertained
he'll give you his VCR.
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