From what I've done on this site, most people would probably expect me to do a complete three part series analyzing the intricate ins and outs of the Slumber Party Massacre saga, complete with a background post about the history of slumber parties.

Well, I'm not going to do that, mostly because the Slumber Party Massacre saga is all one big lie. The three films have absolutely no connection to each other outside of the title and the fact that massacres occur, usually with a drill. However, there's not a single character that appears in more than one of the films.

Why am I so concerned about this? Because Slumber Party Massacre 2 broke my heart by lying to me. I've never felt so betrayed by a horror film in my entire life. You see, I chucked better judgment out the window and watched the series out of order, picking up Slumber Party Massacre 2 to watch back in my youthful days.

I heartily enjoyed the film, mostly because of the incredibly colorful villain - a crazy 80s rocker in leather that acts like Michael Jackson and kills his victims with a guitar that has a giant drill on the end of it. How can you not enjoy that? In fact, I liked the film so much that I couldn't wait to see Slumber Party Massacre 1.

Herein lies the deception. Slumber Party Massacre 2 tells half its story through flashbacks from the main character. Now I don't know if I'm stupid or just easily misled, but the fact that the main character was flashing back to events featuring the main antagonist of the film that we never got to see, I logically assumed that those things took place in Slumber Party Massacre 1.

DECEIT. My dreams were broken into a million tiny little fragments when I rented the original Slumber Party Massacre. I looked on in abject horror as I was forced to watch a totally bland, cookie cutter slasher film. Slumber Party Massacre 3 further fueled my rage, as the villain in that film was a crazy ice cream man with a drill, and we all know Clint Howard is the only ice cream man.

And so I was beaten, beaten into submission by a horror film. But at least I have Slumber Party Massacre 2 to support me, and now, thanks to the wonders of the internet, you can have it as well.

The film begins with the erotic scene of a girl in a nightie sleeping in her bed. The eroticism level plunges into the negative as it's revealed that the lady sleeping is the tomboy girl from WINGS. I'd rather see Steven Webber in a nightie.

She's dreaming about the things that I'm assuming girls dream about, such as incredibly girlish looking men with no shirts on catching footballs and posing for the camera. Unfortunately, she pulls a Nightmare on Elm Street and begins to dream about lots of people getting cut up by drills and herself hiding under a bed before waking up in terror when she is attacked by the opening titles.

Later that day, her mom suggests that she may need to see the therapist again if she continues to have that same old nightmare. Yeah, that shirtless football guy was pretty damn terrifying. Before going to school, Courtney (the girl who had the nightmare) takes a look through her photo scrapbook that contains articles about a psycho killer attacking some girls at a slumber party before being killed by two sisters.

Can you solve the mystery? On her walk to school, Courtney encounters a dead dove on the sidewalk which results in the movie playing its creepy soundtrack ripped directly from Friday the 13th on NES.

We're saved from the aural torture by Courtney's friend Amy who gives her a ride to school. Unfortunately, Courtney takes the opportunity to turn on the radio so she and her friend can do the standard "Hey, these people are singing to songs in the car together which means they are close friends! Also, buy the soundtrack" cliché present in lots of movies.

What do they listen to? A song called "Tokyo Convertible" by Roving Boy, a little band fronted by none other than Kevin Costner. I'm sure you can imagine how good it is. I'm under the impression that the filmmakers did this so we'd be rooting for everyone in the movie to be killed.

The two girls encounter Matt on the way to school, the ghoulish fiend that Courtney was dreaming about. Courtney's friend invites him to come check out her and Courtney's band after school, promising that it'll be "really cool." My ears are bleeding in anticipation.

Well, it's not as bad as I was anticipating. While the girls do a worse job at lip synching and fake strumming than the Partridge Family, the song is just traditional 80s girl band crap. If you take special notice of the girl on the very left (the friend who gave Courtney a ride), you can see that Avril Lavigne clearly stole her entire look from Slumber Party Massacre 2.

Matt the Ghoul shows up and after the song ends he asks Courtney out on the date. Matt is made even creepier by the fact that anytime he delivers dialogue, we don't see him direct it towards anyone. Rather, the camera focuses on him and it looks like he's talking to the view.

Yes, you can pretend that Matt is asking YOU out on a date! It's every girl's dream! Unfortunately, the filmmakers failed to realize that this is a fucking gore film and no girls are watching. All the gore viewer wants to see is the pretty boy who gets all the girls being chopped up into pieces to help feed our own pathetic feelings of inadequacy.

Courtney turns the tables and asks Matt to join her on a date. One of her friends has the house all to herself and all the girls plan to go there and practice over the weekend. Matt accepts, and then goes back to his crypt to read some more tales.

When Courtney asks her mom if she can go to the house with the other girls, her mom isn't too keen on it because she planned to go visit her other daughter in the mental hospital as she's speaking again. Courtney has a sister and they both went through something traumatic.

Could it be that they were the two sisters who killed the psycho mentioned in the newspaper? Stay tuned!

Courtney has another disturbing dream, with scenes of her horrible new boyfriend and her friends interplayed with scenes of gore and mayhem. She wakes up after dreaming about a severed hand. Way to wake up just when it was getting good. She puts on her headphones and drifts back to sleep, blessing us with our first full-fledged flashback.

She dreams about her sister Valerie running around a deserted prison like environment. Valerie hides under a bed, while the rocking killer stands by the bed and does an awesome dance where he flails his arms and spins back and forth. Before Courtney wakes up, the killer appears and reminds her that "Rock and roll NEVER dies!"

The next day Courtney and her friends head out on the road. During a pit stop, Courtney has a hallucination of her sister Valerie bloodied up and visions of the driller killer's break dance spinning on the floor. I'd pay to have visions like that. The girls arrive at the house and decide to have a super fun slumber party with lots of booze and food.

The result is four girls drinking champagne and eating corn dogs. "These corndogs are killer" is a line of dialogue I never thought I would hear in a movie, but here it is. The film breaks one of the cardinal movie rules by showing a movie that's better than their movie.

In this case, the girls watch the original Rock And Roll High School and proceed to dance and pad out the movie. I personally find Corey Feldman's Rock And Roll High school Forever to be a much greater film. These girls get really into their dancing, with one of them grinding on a lamp like a regular $5.00 stripper.

The dancing continues to get more bizarre, ultimately ending with one of the girls spraying all the others with champagne before taking her shirt and bra off. It's like the fulfillment of every male fantasy, but emotionally hollow because I know that it's only a dream.

Like all slumber parties, the end result is a pillow fight as guys watch through a window. The two boys sneak into the house and scare the girls with typical dumb guy stuff before everyone retires to their bedrooms. Courtney has a hard time sleeping with the loud fucking noises coming from various rooms, but eventually she slips into a dream where the driller killer attempts to molest her.

She rejects his advances such as "I've already had your sister, now I just wanna make love to you" and "love the one you're with." How could she resist such a dreamy fusion of Bud Bundy's face and Andrew Dice Clay's wardrobe?

In the morning, Courtney mopes about around the pool before telling her friend Amy about the nightmares she's been having about the stuff that happened to her when she was twelve and how the man in her dreams killed Valerie.

Amy tells Courtney about some crap she read in a magazine about subconscious projection, the type of dream you have when you drink too much. Expert analysis by Dr. Amy! One of the guys is an asshole and pushes Courtney into the pool, where she has more visions of the driller killer as he wails on the guitar.

The hallucinations continue later in the day as Courtney's hamburger changes into a handburger. Oh ho ho, that's rich.

I just realized that this movie is 36 minutes in without a single death. Yeah, the driller killer is cool and all, but the film can't coast forever on his roguish good looks and break dancing. I demand murder. What I get is another performance by the girl band while the two dorky guys cheer them on.

After the song finishes, Courtney pines over a picture of Matt for a while before opening the fridge for something to eat. Much to her surprise, she gets attacked by a flying turkey that squirts blood all over her! Maybe you shouldn't have held on to it for no reason and then squeezed it.

After being sufficiently ridiculed by her friends for getting attacked by a chicken, Courtney decides to relax by having a nice hot bath. She can't even do that without going crazy, as she imagines the bathtub being filled up with blood and gushing out into the hall while the driller killer shreds a killer riff on his guitar.

You know, after about the tenth hallucination, I think I'd stop running off and getting my friends so they could bitch at me for being insane. Maybe, just maybe, you should run away from the hallucination and then run back to see if it's still there so you can save your friends the trouble.

Courtney is too dim to do something like that, so she goes and gets one of her friends to check out the bathtub. Her friend is shocked to see the bathtub overflowing and bitches Courtney out about it so that Courtney ends up crying.

Her friend tries to console her by talking about an ugly zit she has but Courtney even hallucinates when looking at her friend's zit which explodes in her face. Courtney flees from the bathroom into the arms of the newly arrived Matt.

This movie is getting to be really hard to take. I don't want to watch a movie about a girl having hallucinations and alienating herself from all of her friends, I want to watch a movie where all of her friends get killed. Is that so much to ask?

Matt goes into the bathroom with the rest of the guys and discovers nothing out of the ordinary. Courtney's insane babbling makes her friends start to think that maybe exploding zit girl is actually dead, and so they call the cops.

Imagine Courtney's embarrassment when exploding zit girl walks through the front door just as the cops are questioning her. The cops get pissed off but quickly leave as "Denny's is holding their booth." The perks of being a cop.

While the rest of the crew goes out to eat and get away from their batshit crazy friend, Matt consoles Courtney by bringing her a birthday cake in bed. It turns out Matt is in the know about what Courtney went through and how she and her sister killed the psycho killer. Gratuitous making out occurs.

Meanwhile, the friends have returned back to the house. Just as Matt is about to make his move and get into Courtney's pants, she has a vision of the dreamy driller killer and Matt ends up getting spiked. She tries to play it off as nothing but a dream, but that's kind of hard to do when a guy with a guitar drill slices up your boyfriend, throws one of the severed arms into your birthday cake, and screams "It's time to rock and roll baby!"

Her friends believe her this time as the killer actually pursues her downstairs. All of the kids get out of the room except for exploding zit girl, who gets impaled to the wall by the drill which even manages to take out the phone on the other side of the wall.

Serves her right for not being dead the first time. "It's party time baby!" Courtney, Amy, and one of the guys run back into the house to get car keys off the table and run into zit girl's dead body. They flee into the car and speed off.

None of them have the foresight to check the backseat, so it's no surprise when the driller killer pops up, says "This is dedicated to the one I love," and drills through the chest of the guy driving the car. The girls inexplicably flee back to the house they just came from while the killer goes off in pursuit of the other girl and guy.

He finds them trying to get into another house and then drills up the guy while the girl runs away. He blows a kiss to the guy before drilling him up, and the dying guy responds by saying "Wow" and falling over dead. Perhaps he was admiring THE GREATEST GUITAR IN THE WORLD!

Back at the house, Courtney and her friend call the cops but of course they don't believe her thanks to earlier. The girl who ran away a minute ago makes her way back to the house and so does the killer, who looks at the camera and tells the audience that "Now it's time for the fun part."

Oh driller killer, every moment with you is fun no matter what! He flicks on a light switch and rock music begins to play. He pulls off a breathtaking dance routine as the girls in the house try to escape. DANCE MOTHERFUCKER, DANCE!