You're probably wondering what the hell this is. Well, it's a movie column, albeit not a serious one. Hopefully I'll do a decent job of analyzing, ridiculing, or pointing out things about the movies that will inform you as well as entertain. If I don't, well, I can say I tried.

"Verba ex mortus" is meant to be translated as Words of the Dead, but that isn't correctly written Latin-wise, but it just looks better damnit! It's also a blatantly obvious homage to the Evil Dead film trilogy. So I'd better not be getting complaints from fellow Latin speakers.

I also hope I can do this thing daily, but there is the hassle of a personal life from time to time, as well as days where movie news is as dry as a bone. Anyways, let us get on with this crap.

Hopefully you've read the "great" news on the home page about the upcoming Spy Kids special edition. That's right folks! Screw leaving something for the DVD (although I'm hoping no one plans on buying it), let's get some more money outta the box office for the thing and bleed it dry!

At least, that's what I thought at first. I thought it was a mere money making scheme, but oh no, was I ever wrong. You see, the real motivation behind this is to keep Spy Kids interest at an all time high, and get anticipation up for the titanic sequel- Spy Pre-Teens! T

hanks to my ultra spying skills, I've found out all the plans on the Spy ___ franchise, including the entire list of sequels. We can all look foward to Spy Teens, Spy College Years, Spy Middle-Agers, Spy Geriatrics, Spy Broken Down Old Shells Of Their Once Young, Energetic, And Youthful Selves, Spy Corpses, and Spy Rotten Piles Of Decomposed Flesh Being Ingested By Maggots, and you know what comes after that- SPY MAGGOTS!

Yes, the kids continue their adventures as mere nutrients inside the stomach of some maggots! I for one, cannot wait. Also, I'm sure we can look foward to some great prequels, such as Spy Toddlers, Spy Newborns, Spy Fetuses, and Spy Sperm.

Spy Sperm looks to be one of the greatest movies of all time, with Antonio Banderas' super stealth sperm having to navigate the brutal defense systems of Carla Gugino's egg! So stop cursing the studio for rereleasing Spy Kids and get pumped up for these action packed sequels!

Turns out having the same name as a candy bar and the looks of the older brother on Malcolm In The Middle don't add up to a hit film. Heath Ledger's new flick, "A Knight's Tale" failed to even come close to The Mummy Returns this weekend, bringing in only 17 million.

That one actually suprised me, as I thought the usual Jerry Bruckheimer crowed who are easily entertained by loud explosions and shiny metal things that go "VROOM!" would eat this one up. Renny Harlin's crusade to seemingly break Jerry's monopoly on the retarded moviegoer market continued as Driven got 3 million more dollars.

It may appear that Renny has the one-up as he himself directs his piles of drivel, but don't count Jerry out. His pockets are lined with cash from years of entertaining simpletons.

Hell, all he has to do these days is rename his old flicks, change a few things, and he has another hit! I dare someone to try and convince me Coyote Ugly isn't an updated Flashdance.

It's only a matter of time before we get Top Gun 2 and find out that Goose's identical twin brother no one knew about is out for revenge! With Jerry B at the helm, it'll gross 100 million easy.

A super shock to the sternum occured when I saw Memento acually make the list. God bless you movie going America. Hopefully we'll get out of this damned Box Office depression soon, but with a John Travolta film on the horizon, we can never be too sure.

Start stocking the bomb shelter with creamed corn and cult films. It's gonna be a rocky summer season.

I felt compelled to take a look back at some of the bigger bombs of the past few months at the box office. I'd have to say that the one that took me most by suprise was the bombing of Monkeybone.

Just in case you're wondering how bad it bombed- the budget was 75 million, it made 5 million at the box office.

I figured the relentless advirtising promotion it had behind it would at least get it half of its budget back, but alas, it was not to be, mainly due to the same thing that made Little Nicky stall its first weekend (or at least in my opinion): The trailers.

I swear, some of the funniest movies these days also happen to have the worst trailers in history. It's as if the studio goes out of its way to find the most unfunny scenes in a great comedy and stick THOSE in the trailer, as not to "ruin" the funny scenes for the people paying to see it. Sorry guys, but I'm not going to see the movie if not one funny scene is in the trailer.

On the bright side, you haven't ruined any of the good jokes hidden within the film for me! Great job! Monkeybone is one helluva bomb, and I can't wait for the DVD so I can hear the director comment on this. I'm about to end today's column, but not until...