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DVD REVIEW: EUREKA - SEASON ONE
July 29, 2007
The smartest little town in America.
DVD REVIEW: DELIVERY
June 15, 2007
Under 30 minutes or you don't get brutally killed.
DVD REVIEW: MEATBALL MACHINE
June 12, 2007
That's a spicy meatball powered killing machine!
DVD REVIEW: JESSE STONE - DEATH IN PARADISE
May 22, 2007
Fear the moustache of Jesse Stone.
DVD REVIEW: JESSE STONE - NIGHT PASSAGE
May 21, 2007
Tom Selleck is troubled! He drinks scotch a lot!
DVD REVIEW: THE LAST SIN EATER
May 12, 2007
Sin - tastes good and good for you.
DVD REVIEW: SHOGUN ASSASSIN 2
May 10, 2007
Ride in the baby cart to Hades!
DVD REVIEW: CINDERELLA
April 17, 2007
This is no fairy tale.
DVD REVIEW: BLACK CHRISTMAS
April 16, 2007
Silent night, deadly night.
DVD REVIEW: THE GRAVEDANCERS
March 25, 2007
We did the headless boogie.
DVD REVIEW: THE HAMILTONS
March 24, 2007
Like the Waltons but with more murder.
DVD REVIEW: DARK RIDE
March 23, 2007
Worse than the Dixie Classic Fair.
DVD REVIEW: BIT PARTS
March 1, 2007
Of boobies and botched surgeries.
DVD REVIEW: BLOODY TIES
February 21, 2007
Busan's busiest drug dealers collide.
DVD REVIEW: FACING THE GIANTS
January 30, 2007
God's taking the over on this one.
DVD REVIEW: GYMKATA
January 24, 2007
Are you ready to play the game and ride a pommel horse?
DVD REVIEW: THE WICKER MAN
January 4, 2007
Not the bees! My legs!
DVD REVIEW: THE COMPLETE PLUTO - VOLUME 2
January 1, 2007
All the bitches on the block line up for Pluto.
DVD REVIEW: TACTICS - VOLUME 1
December 25, 2006
Faces in funny places.
DVD REVIEW: THE BEST OF MR. BEAN
December 20, 2006
Those funny, funny Brits.
DVD REVIEW: EXTREME CHICKFIGHTS
November 19, 2006
The worst fight club on the planet.
DVD REVIEW: TALES FROM THE CRYPT - SEASON FIVE
November 13, 2006
More fun than you can wave an awful pun at.
DVD REVIEW: HARVEY BIRDMAN - VOLUME TWO
November 11, 2006
Who is the cat with the beak?
DVD REVIEW: RESERVOIR DOGS - 15TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION
November 6, 2006
Stuck in the middle with you.
DVD REVIEW: BORDER WAR
October 29, 2006
It's Minutemen vs illegal aliens in the war to end all wars!
DVD REVIEW: REST STOP
October 20, 2006
The deadliest bathroom you'll ever see.
DVD REVIEW: BLOOD TEA & RED STRING
October 18, 2006
Ain't no party like a drunk mice party.
DVD REVIEW: COMBAT DIARY
September 27, 2006
An account of the Iraq war from the perspective of soldiers.
DVD REVIEW: DESPERATION
September 17, 2006
Another Stephen King adaptation gone horribly wrong.
DVD REVIEW: CEMETERY OF TERROR & GRAVE ROBBERS
September 6, 2006
Axes to the noggin and evil zombies reign supreme in Mexico.
DVD REVIEW: CURSE OF THE DOLL PEOPLE & NIGHT OF THE BLOODY APES
August 30, 2006
The correct term these days is "little people."
DVD REVIEW: DALLAS - SEASON FIVE
August 8, 2006
This season's cliffhanger - who moved my cheese?
DVD REVIEW: NEW WORLD
July 31, 2006
French people secretly yearn to be American.
DVD REVIEW: THE IN-LAWS
July 25, 2006
Zany mismatched families come together for a wedding.
DVD REVIEW: GETTING PLAYED
July 18, 2006
Anyone who watched this movie got played.
DVD REVIEW: THE HOWLING PARTS V & VI
July 16, 2006
Shut up and stop howling already.
DVD REVIEW: RAPE IS A CIRCLE
July 8, 2006
Just because you can make a movie doesn't mean you should.
DVD REVIEW: MIMIC 3
July 4, 2006
The killer cockroaches return.
DVD REVIEW: ASYLUM
June 22, 2006
You can never get enough killer dolls, right?
DVD REVIEW: CACHE
June 12, 2006
Be thrilled as nothing happens for 90 minutes.
DVD REVIEW: THE KIDS IN THE HALL - SESAON FOUR
May 23, 2006
I ain't gonna spread for no roses.
DVD REVIEW: THE TOWERING INFERNO
May 12, 2006
Steve McQueen is hot.
DVD REVIEW: THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE
May 11, 2006
Ernest Borgnine is not.
DVD REVIEW: NATURAL CITY
May 10, 2006
The Korean version of 'The Matrix,' except it sucks.
DVD REVIEW: RITUAL
May 5, 2006
The Cryptkeeper's latest direct-to-video garbage.
DVD REVIEW: THE PRIZE WINNER OF DEFIANCE, OHIO
April 10, 2006
The first desperate housewife.
DVD REVIEW: THE GREATEST GAME EVER PLAYED
April 9, 2006
The game is golf. The title is obviously lying.
DVD REVIEW: SUSPICIOUS RIVER
March 31, 2006
It's a Stargate SG-1 reunion with hookers!
DVD REVIEW: SPEED RACER - VOLUME 4
March 29, 2006
You can't race away from your problems, Speed Racer.
DVD REVIEW: VITAL
March 28, 2006
The favorite film of undertakers.
DVD REVIEW: A SOUND OF THUNDER
March 27, 2006
So stupid your brain will explode.
DVD REVIEW: A SNAKE OF JUNE
March 22, 2006
Blackmail is the best way to get your rocks off.
DVD REVIEW: PHONE
March 20, 2006
Please don't call back.
DVD REVIEW: UFC CLASSICS - VOLUME 2
February 28, 2006
The real bloodsport returns.
DVD REVIEW: UFC CLASSICS - VOLUME 1
February 27, 2006
It's like 'Street Fighter II' but with Jim Brown.
DVD REVIEW: DALLAS - SEASON FOUR
February 8, 2006
Oil, rich people, rednecks, blah blah blah.
DVD REVIEW: THE MAN
January 24, 2006
Justification for terrorists to hate us.
DVD REVIEW: DISNEY RARITIES
December 15, 2005
Rare! No reserve! Bid now!
DVD REVIEW: CHOPPERTOWN - THE SINNERS
December 9, 2005
They're no Chopper Chicks from Zombie Town.
DVD REVIEW: PROJECT RUNWAY - SEASON ONE
December 8, 2005
Fashion can be fun.
DVD REVIEW: PUDDLE CRUISER
December 6, 2005
Broken Lizard should go drown in a puddle.
DVD REVIEW: SCARY TRUE STORIES
November 18, 2005
Two lies in one title. Impressive.
DVD REVIEW: CHIP 'N' DALE - RESCUE RANGERS - VOLUME ONE
November 17, 2005
Hot chipmunk love triangles.
DVD REVIEW: DUCKTALES - SEASON ONE
November 16, 2005
Rich old duck hates everyone and everything.
DVD REVIEW: AMERICAN GOTHIC - THE COMPLETE SERIES
November 10, 2005
Cancelled before its time.
DVD REVIEW: FANTASY ISLAND - SEASON ONE
November 5, 2005
The most lovable midget of all time.
DVD REVIEW: CHAINED HEAT 2
October 28, 2005
Unchain my heat. Say you'll love me again.
DVD REVIEW: EXCESSIVE FORCE II
October 26, 2005
Excessive force taken to an excessive degree. Excessively.
DVD REVIEW: THE BEST OF MADTV - SEASONS EIGHT, NINE AND TEN
October 25, 2005
The "special class" of sketch comedy.
DVD REVIEW: BLOOD OF BEASTS
October 21, 2005
The fantasy genre died for a reason.
DVD REVIEW: SINGLE WHITE FEMALE 2
October 16, 2005
The sequel you've all been waiting for.
DVD REVIEW: THE FREAKMAKER
October 13, 2005
Not a Michael Jackson documentary.
DVD REVIEW: THE MAN WITH NINE LIVES
October 4, 2005
Too bad all of them were spent in a crappy film.
DVD REVIEW: TORTURE GARDEN
October 3, 2005
Maintaining any garden is tortuous.
DVD REVIEW: THE PROPHECY - FORSAKEN
September 14, 2005
The prophecy foretold of this crappy movie franchise.
DVD REVIEW: MINDHUNTERS
September 12, 2005
The film that hunts down your brain cells and destroys them.
DVD REVIEW: MY LEFT FOOT
September 11, 2005
The hilarious sequel to 'My Right Ear.'
DVD REVIEW: VAMPIRE ASSASSIN
September 10, 2005
Blade's fat vampire hunting cousin.
DVD REVIEW: TOY STORY - 10TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION
September 4, 2005
Randy Newman sings his way into your heart.
DVD REVIEW: LIFE AS WE KNOW IT
August 29, 2005
Whiny white kid problems you can all relate to.
DVD REVIEW: THE GLASS SHIELD
August 26, 2005
Ice Cube as a criminal? No way!
DVD REVIEW: JAMBOREE
August 25, 2005
It's time to jump, jive and wail.
DVD REVIEW: DALLAS - SEASON THREE
August 14, 2005
Who shot JR? Spoiler: It was Jack Ruby.
DVD REVIEW: WHAT'S NEW? SCOOBY-DOO - VOLUME SIX
August 10, 2005
Nothing is ever new with Scooby-Doo. Never.
DVD REVIEW: THE BARKLEYS OF BROADWAY
August 9, 2005
The Barkleys say shut up and jam!
DVD REVIEW: SPACE STATION IMAX
July 27, 2005
It's boring but it's on a big screen.
DVD REVIEW: CONFESSIONS OF AN AMERICAN BRIDE
July 2, 2005
I confess: this movie is a pile of crap.
DVD REVIEW: TWICE IN A LIFETIME
June 30, 2005
One time watching this movie is enough for any lifetime.
DVD REVIEW: THE AUTOPSY FILES
June 29, 2005
Dead men tell boring tales.
DVD REVIEW: THE THORN BIRDS - THE MISSING YEARS
June 16, 2005
They should have stayed missing.
DVD REVIEW: LOIS & CLARK - SEASON ONE
June 15, 2005
Not quite as laughable as 'Superman Returns.'
DVD REVIEW: BULLITT
June 9, 2005
Bring us bullitts, bullitts, bullitts.
DVD REVIEW: THE NARROW MARGIN
June 9, 2005
Noir that will rock your socks off.
DVD REVIEW: SPIDER-MAN - THE VENOM SAGA
June 2, 2005
Animation by Ms. Flufferbottom's kindergarten class.
DVD REVIEW: BLACK CLOUD
May 31, 2005
Eye of the buffalo.
DVD REVIEW: BAD TRIP
May 30, 2005
This is no fantastic voyage.
DVD REVIEW: ST. IVES
May 29, 2005
Starring Charles Bronson and his moustache.
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